Ben and James became closer friends one night a few weeks before graduation when they went out to the local Dairy Freeze for a quick study break. As they talked about their different experiences in high school they stumbled onto the subject of girls. Ben had an intense interest in the subject, but very little to add to the conversation by way of experience. He was basically what you might call—not a hit with the ladies. But that was the old Ben. He knew he could be different. He was determined.
James, on the other hand, had dated a few girls from his church. He was tall, athletic, friendly, and sharp looking. The last relationship he was in got pretty serious. He recently had a mutual break-up with Jennifer. She was a beautiful woman that had a great personality and similar values to James. Their favorite thing to do with one another was simply to walk and talk. They tracked around some nice walking paths by the lakes where they grew up. It seemed as if they could talk about most anything.
They had a fairly peaceful break-up by March of their senior year. They ended their successful 14 month dating relationship with the sober reality that they were simply too young to go the distance. They both wondered in the back of their minds if they were making the right decision in this; but both felt that college waited with endless possibilities for their lives and future.
As Ben and James talked about girls that night, Ben just came out with it. He said, “Okay James, you’re a pretty cool guy. We are going to be CSU buddies together…so you might as well know something about me. It’s not something I am proud of, but you don’t seem like the type to rub it in my face.”
“What is it Ben?” James asked with curiosity.
“Okay here goes: I have never been with, I mean, I have never gone all the way with a girl.” Ben sat there nervous and was intently looking at James’ reaction.
James did not respond fast enough for Ben. So Ben added, “Isn’t that ridiculous?” James started to smile and then gently laugh.
“What?” asked Ben. James’ laughter began to get louder.
Ben said, “Dude, you are killing me. I pour out my heart and give you the ultimate inside scoop over a milkshake and you think it‘s funny?”
As James pulled himself together he said, “Sorry man. No, I am not laughing because you’re a virgin. I just think it’s funny that you think it’s a big deal.”
“What on earth do you mean?” asked Ben.
“I am too. Most of my friends from church are virgins. I‘m actually proud of it man.”
Ben was dumbfounded. “I thought Christians were not supposed to lie.”
“You got that right,” responded James.
“You want me to believe that after all those months you went out with that Jennifer girl, you all were not sleeping together?” asked Ben.
“It’s the truth,” replied James.
“Man that makes no sense. She is crazy hot. You’re a heck of a nice guy. You mean she wouldn’t let you have sex with her after months of dating. What is her deal? I thought she liked you. Are you not her type or something?”
“The truth is, we were very attracted to each other. I’m not blind. But we both were committed to keeping our relationship pure in the eyes of God. You may have never heard this, but the Bible teaches that sex is reserved exclusively for marriage.”
Ben remained in shock, “That is totally stupid….and unrealistic. I ‘ve read about all those preachers and Christian athletes that get church members and cheerleaders pregnant. I just thought that claims about people not having sex outside of marriage were understood to be a universal joke to everyone by now.”
"Nope,” James said. “The Bible is clear in several places that pre-marital sex is outside of God’s plan.”
“Let’s say you’re right and that is really what God wants. Why do you think God said that?” Ben asked.
“I don’t fully understand all the reasons why. God did not explain it. We see some examples in the Bible of kings and others that misused God’s gift of sex. Every time they misused it, it created such radical turmoil. Like I said, I don’t understand it all. I am just banking on the fact that He is God and knows what is best.”
“Let me get this straight James. You’re telling me that you will never have sex with anyone until you’re married? What if you are engaged and the wedding is a few months away?”
James replied thoughtfully, “That’s the commitment I’ve made before God. I imagine it won’t always be easy, but I know that God will give me the strength. I even believe He will bless me! Besides, I plan to make up for lost time!” James began smiling.
Ben tried once more, “Would you make an exception if you were engaged to Carrie Underwood?”
James laughed and said, “No way. I don’t even like country.”
Ben shook his head and said with a grin, “Dude, you are a piece of work. I guess I’m glad I am not the only one who hasn’t done it. But, please know I think your reasoning is totally messed up. I want out of this elite virgin club.”
Somewhat relieved that the conversation was coming to an end, James was thankful for the chance to share some of his faith with Ben. He truly liked Ben for who he was. They were both amazed that they could be so different and still relate well to each other.